Is it possible to miss someone you’ve never met?

10 Sep

Tonight I am thinking about our baby and how much longer we have to wait until we can see his/her face.  At times my heart is so heavy it feels like it might fall through my chest, onto the floor, and break into a million pieces.  I so badly want to prepare the baby’s room, but I know that would be like torturing myself.  The furniture that was graciously passed down to me by my sister is in the baby’s room, but it’s not arranged.  I won’t arrange it.  I’m fortunate that it is upstairs in a part of the house that we don’t use very much.  I don’t have to walk past it every day.

I came across the perfect curtains for the baby’s room while I was shopping with my mom this summer.  There were on sale…..and perfect.  So I bought them.  But I didn’t hang them up.  They’re still packaged and in the shopping bag, laying on top of the partially assembled crib, alongside a few unopened boxes of diapers.

Our baby is SO.FAR.AWAY.  Is it possible to miss someone you’ve never met?  That is how I feel about this child.  I have been thinking, praying, planning, and expecting them for so long.  Since we decided to switch to Eth in April, the wait time to be matched with a child has gone from 6-9 months to 11-12 months.  I wonder how many more months will be added to that number?  When I realize that the amount of time we’ve been in the adoption process is the same amount of time we have left until we’re done, I just want to cry.  All I can do is RUN TO JESUS.  He comforts me.

As far away as it is, we wait expectantly for the day that we get THE phone call from our agency, notifying us that we’ve been matched with a child.  But the truth is, we’ve already been matched.  Before Josh and I were even conceived, God planned for us to marry each other and planned this adoption (and a few more adoptions in the future, I hope).  God has already picked the child(ren) that will make us a family.  We’ve already been matched.  By God.  And although what was planned in heaven has not come to pass yet on earth, I already belong to this child and he belongs to me.

I hope that wasn’t too depressing for you.  Just keeping it real over here.  Let’s end this post on a happy note, shall we?  Although I’m not setting up the baby’s room yet, I did have one project I wanted to get done while I was on summer break.  I knew that once I started teaching again I would lose every shred of spare time, so I went ahead and indulged my nesting instincts 🙂  It’s not completely finished, but close enough for you to see how cutie-patootie it is!

I still need to get new drawer handles and there is one little spot on the second drawer down where I chipped off the paint so I need to fix that when I have some extra time (Christmas break?).  I bought this dresser on Craigslist for $25 then redid it with some leftover paint I have from when we painted our kitchen.

And lastly, I have a beautiful song to share with you.  Today my friend, Emily, sent me this song and I am so glad she did.  Wow.  New anthem of my heart.  The lyrics make me think of Jesus wrapping his arms around my child before I can.  It reminds me that no matter what my child may experience before they come home, God is WITH him/her.  Check it out with this link: Sing Along by Christy Nockels

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One Response to “Is it possible to miss someone you’ve never met?”

  1. wende September 10, 2012 at 4:09 am #

    Anna..or shall I call you Momma Anna..your mother heart is so evident and clear..so beautiful. Your post truly touched my heart, I can hear the longing to hold your baby jumping off the computer screen. As a mother of 2 biological children I can not understand the waiting factor, as you know we were blessed to be pregnant pretty quickly with both our girls..BUT as a single girl..not too many years ago..I did wait and wait and “wait for my husband. It was hard to wait. I hated waiting. I too missed someone that I had never met. Don’t get me wrong..waiting for him is totally different than your wait..but there is one thing that we have in common..that is TRUSTING GODS TIMING…I hated it when people would tell me that he would come right at the right time. I didn’t want to wait..I wanted it NOW..my heart was so lonely for him..my heart ached for the companionship that only a spouse can bring. Lets just say many many times. I really struggled to trust in Gods timing. But looking back..I do see all the little details, the wonderful timing God had and all the fruit “waiting” produced along the way. It still is LAME to wait..really really hard. Nothing can truly make it easier..but as we know from 1 Cor 13..love suffers long. My prayer for you is this..may you look back a year from now..a few years from now and marvel at all the wonderful fruit “waiting” produced in your life..and may you see how truly PERFECT God’s timing really was..for now..I will pray that Jesus eases the pain, the ache..I truly cannot wait to meet this little baby..and help be one of the people..as he or she grows up that tells the story about how much its momma and daddy loved them and waited a long time to meet them. Love you and thank you for sharing your heart and your journey with all of us.

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