Why Adoption?

19 Aug

Many people have inquired as to why Josh and I have decided to adopt, and especially why we’re adopting our first child.  People have asked if Josh and I are not able to have kids “of our own”.  I understand why people ask this because many couples do turn to adoption as a last resort, after many unsuccessful attempts at having biological children.  This is not the case with Josh and I.  Fortunately, none of these comments have seemed mean-spirited or been offensive to me.  For some reason, when people find out you are adopting or have adopted, they feel like they have the right to ask very personal questions and make comments that can often times be rude, insensitive, and offensive.  Some don’t realize they are doing this and others do.  I have been praying that God would help me to be gracious with people when they make comments and ask questions about our adoption.  We are thrilled to be adopting and proud of the way God is building our family and we have absolutely nothing to hide.  I look at these conversations as a way to spread awareness about adoption and hopefully raise interest that will lead more orphans to be united with their forever families.

So here’s my story:  I have wanted to adopt since I was about 7 years old.  That’s right, folks!  When I was in 2nd grade my teacher adopted two little girls from Romania.  They were horribly malnourished and neglected, with swollen stomachs and shaved heads.  They had both suffered deeply from institutionalized life in Romania.   My teacher attended the same church as us so I remember seeing the girls and hearing stories about the adoption and their adjustment after they were brought home.  Eventually, my older sister started babysitting them.  Shortly after this I heard about the plight of baby girls born in China and how many are abandon because of the burden of population control laws and social pressures.  Even though I was very young, God somehow gave my little 7-year-old heart and mind enough of an understanding about the grievous state of orphans to resolve, “When I grow up, I’m going to adopt.”  I carried this with me the rest of my life, always knowing that when I grew up and got married I would adopt orphans.

Adoption feels very natural to me.  More natural, at times, than the thought of having children through birth. (gasp! did a real woman just admit that?)  All my life, and especially in my adult years when I thought more seriously about marriage and motherhood, I’ve imagined myself as an adoptive mother.  I have always felt comfortable with the idea.  It feels “normal” to me.

When Josh and I were dating I made it clear to him that adoption was one of those “deal-breaker” issues for me.  I knew our relationship was getting serious and it was best to get all the cards out on the table so there were no surprises or disappointments later.   I intended to adopt and if he couldn’t embrace that as well, I couldn’t see us having a future together.  Josh had been sympathetic towards adoption but had never thought much about adopting himself.  He has a huge, generous, and compassionate heart.  It did not take much time of prayer and reflection for him to whole-heartedly accept the idea of building our family through adoption.

When we were nearing the end of our 2nd year of marriage we started to discuss and pray earnestly about whether we should adopt or have a child first.  We knew we wanted to build our family through adoption and birth, but the million dollar question was, “Which one first?”  After much discussion, prayer, and research we decided it would be best to adopt first.  Much of this decision has to do with the financial aspect of international adoption.  We have no debt and, with no children yet and both of us working fulltime, we are able to put lots of money into savings.  The Adoption Tax Refund is still around ($14,000 the USA government gives you for your adoption) which may or may not be available a few years down the road.  We hope it is because we want to adopt many more children after this!

One Response to “Why Adoption?”

  1. Kara Ferry-Abarca May 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    Yes I remember you!
    Thank you for the encouragement on my blog! I feel a kindred spirit with you as I read your blog! AMAZING! I feel the same way in terms of adoption being more “normal” to me then a natural child! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
    So excited to stay in touch and connect as we all go through this process. God works in some pretty amazing ways, huh?

    Love, Kara

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